The Blog of fearlesspunk

Over the weekend my dad's girlfriend and I were watching Stepmom together.  Well, he's really my stepdad, but I've called him dad since I was kid. (This pertains to the story I promise).  So anyway, we're watching this movie and she turns to me and asks me when the last time I talked to Chris (my biological father, aka sperm donor) was.  I said when I was sixteen right after I got my license.  And she replied, wow, you haven't seen him since you were sixteen.  Then I corrected her, no, I haven't seen him since I was thirteen.  The last time I talked to him was when I was sixteen right after I got my license and he asked me who would ever give me a driver's license.  This was also over a year after the last time I talked to him before that.

So anyway, my dad's girlfriend proceeds to tell me something about how I got stuck with some crummy parents or something along those lines and then commend me for keeping a positive attitude about loving the family you have, even if they're not your biological family... That really got me thinking.  I'm not always so positive about it.  Sometimes I get full of self-pity.  Mother's Day is comin up and a lot of my friends are talking about how close they've gotten with their moms since we've been outta high school and it's just frustrating.  Like I sit there and try not to feel all that self-pity stuff but it's hard.  Then on top of it I get more frustrated when my boyfriend doesn't seem to really appreciate his mom.  I know he does, but it's like he doesn't understand what it's like to not have a mom as great as his.  My mom never did anything for us when she was around, and I haven't talked to her in over a year now.  Sometimes I don't know how to let all those feelings out.  I feel like people are gonna look down on me if I don't keep pretending to be okay with it and act as strong as they think I am...